Thursday, March 8, 2018

Nekrogoblikon (review by MMB)

Welcome To Bonkers
Seek and Strike
13 April 2018
Ten and a half million years from now, Americans will gather around the fireplaces and evaluate their best contributions to world culture and they will recognize five top contributions:
5.The great famous deliciousness that was pizza.
4.The pure joy of imbibing that was El Cinco de Mayo.
3.The Harold Lloyd hilarity that was the American Civil War.
2.The eternal glory of spaghetti.
and the brilliance that is this band right here:
Where do you start reviewing a band that is so dedicated to its mission of helping the less fortunate and providing comfort to people that society has abandoned? When people have a difficult time in life a goblin is there to tell them everything’s going to be alright. Do not worry, help is on the way.
The band combines all sorts of guacamole chow mein mixes and shuffles the cards like they are not in Kansas anymore. Meet the latest bunch of crazy U.S-Americans. They come from the long line that stretches from Alice Cooper and Kiss to Beatallica and Gwar, and of course, Beyoncé, always Beyoncé. Somewhere down the line metalcore took a wrong turn and ended up at a Britney Spears concert, then the drunken pop extreme metal made another turn and went to the circus, and the circus lights were bright and found a goblin to take home for the after party.
A word of warning: this is pop dance metalcore. This is goofball Chuck E. Cheese metal music and that’s who will be attracted to this: goofball menchildren and scary girls with purple hair. These U.S.-Americans have the handsome model good looks and the brainiac intellect to work a gimmick and reach out for all the cash that you have. Does it work? Well, they have lots of gremlin shrieking growling so that will limit how many millions of dollars they make because growling can only go so far. The masses want candy melodies and a voice for singing along. They are probably too metal for the masses, but the metal masses are not so small and the metal masses like to party, drink and be merry and laugh at a bunch of clowns who made a reality of the fantasy of Americana + techno dance pop + power metal + metalcore + birthday party + local zoo + you, especially you, you goblin-loving pretty devil. These guys are going to be millionaires, either for real or in their dreams after they set up that appointment with Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons and talk about some marketing strategies. Gwar and Kiss have lasted a long time, Alice Cooper and Marylin Manson are still rolling in the dough, so who is to say this band cannot be the next big thing in goblin rock entertainment? Lots of metal people will hate it for so many obvious reasons, but tell that to the kids lining up at your local venue with cash in their hands and dialing up the fun having at 1-800-CALL-A-GOODTIME-NEKROGOBLIKON. The possibilities are endless.

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