Wednesday, December 4, 2019


Return to Ponders Corner
November 16th, 2019
Effluvia is mucho beaucoup moshy intense chaos à lá grïndcöre as interpreted by Tacoma’s merchants of high-speed chaos.
You know how grind bands seem so obsessed with making sure that everyone knows their political opinions? Well, Effluvia is not really like that. Effluvia is more like a clown that hides in the bushes and waits for people to be walking by and then he jumps out and yells, “Booyaaaaah!!!” and runs away while the outraged and “triggered” hipsters call 911 to ask the police to impeach Ronald McDonald and all the other hard-working clowns.
What does Effluvia think about the Democrats and the Republicans? What does this Tacoma band think about saving the raccoons, possums, eels and the other animals that fly free in the air? What do they believe about the age-old debate about which came first, the chicken or the egg? Well, don’t expect to get answers to any of these questions listening to the album. Effluvia is more like “musicians” concerned with health issues and the physical well-being and mental health of the members of the band: constipation, indigestion, gut health, and other intestinal matters. There is one catch: They do not address these topics like the medical doctors that they rightfully could claim to be, but more like a stand-up comic who curses like a sailor at a fight after midnight at the local biker bar.
When they are not struggling to find relief sitting on the toilet, the band sits together drinking brain cell-killing beverages and eating hot dogs and potato chips while they watch horror movies late at night and they hold each other tightly and tell each other that it’s all going to be okay, that it is just a movie, not the real thing because that’s what friends do, be there for each other during the good times and the bad times when horror movies feel a little too real during the lonely times of the holiday season.
Therefore, friends, dive into the blasting grind of Effluvia, and feel the freedom that the eagle feels flying over the hills, valleys and mountains and the Bat Cave and Chuck E. Cheese. Enjoy the song in which the vocalist is doing his darnest to sound like he is doing vocals under water. Believe you me, they have such a song and it does sound like he is growling under the water. It’s hilarious and it’s called “Schizophrenic Diatribe.” Then, there’s the hit single “Constipation Delirium,” which lasts some 30 seconds, unlike constipation. They also have some tracks that are incredibly short. If you blink, you miss it. By the time, you say, “What on Earth was that, dude?!”, the music has already moved on to the next track, so just don’t worry about it, and get moshing. If Effluvia were a comedian, they would not be like those comedians who think of themselves as self-important moral authorities on the environment, feminism, liberalism, political correctness and safe spaces. Instead, they would be the total nihilism, pessimism and frustration of George Carlin, and are having a good time because why not, it’s grind and you only once or twice. The Tacoma band seems more obsessed with their constipation problems than anything else. Effluvia is simply documenting it all in the form of grind about horror movies and their stomach problems. Let the good times roll, yo. Effluvia wants to rock out, and they a message for y’all: “And tell’em to bring me my money!”

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