Tuesday, October 15, 2019

EFFLUVIA brings back the Tacoma aroma

Return to Ponders Corner
16 November 2019
The aroma of Tacoma in Washington State is the extreme metal by the sickos who go by the name of Effluvia (don’t bother looking it up, you sicko). Let’s just say that in the past these malcontents have been in bands with truly horrendous names that are so sick, embarrassing, disgusting, and moronic that even G.G. Allin would have say, “Seriously, fellas, that name is cool and all, I love it cuz ya knows I sick, too, but dayum, y’all have gone and done the unthinkable and given y’all’selves the worst name ever, man!”
Anyway, friends who do not live here on western side of Washington State, let me explain something to y’all. Up here, in this northwesternmost corner of the continental United States we have the wonderful people of the city Tacoma (Yes, that one Tacoma, that Steve Miller Band immortalized in the famous black metal grindcore hit “Rock’n Me.”). Effluvia is undead in the City of Tacos (That it is called Taco-ma because tacos are very popular in the city is fake news information that I just invented right now.).
Alright, so, what was I talking about?!
Ah, yes, I remember now, I remember how it all started.
Effluvia is returning with a new recording on the 16th of November of 2019 A.D.
The album has 29 tracks. For real. Twenty nine, y’all! Anyway, this band is not appropriate for children, sensitive hearts, gentle lovers and lots of other people. This music is strictly for degenerates who are going to have their souls impaled again and again and again in the burning lake of fire. Listen to this album if you already know that you are a total degenerate, a registered offender, a convicted criminal, a person with no morals or a Seattle Seahawks fan.
The album begins with an introduction that will offend liberals, cockroaches, feminists, conservatives, antifas, anarquists, squirrels and all the inhabitants of Seattle and Tacoma, except for the members of Effluvia and their nine die-hard supporters in Tacoma.
“Ponders Corner” is next and this track is a grindcore love song dedicated to all people whose life work consists of criminal activity. Goodness, this is a brutal death metal and grind whirlwind of noise pollution rolling down the I-5. “Synchronized Killing” is the third song and this one brings a message of love, if by love you mean low-growl and yelling at full speed and then ending it as fast as it began. Next thing you, it’s “Body Parts in a Suitcase” and we’re going to need some heartburn medicine right about now. “Wake Up and Smell the Feces” is next and this song is a tribute to The Eagles’ “Hotel California” in the sense that it does not sound like that song at all. Help, I need somebody, help, not just anybody.
Ok, well, there are more anti-songs to tell you about, but there’s some Olympic curling that is about to begin and I don’t want to miss that. I’ll return to holler back at you about Effluvia.

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