review: Casket Robbery

Casket Robbery

The Ascension (expanded edition)

6 September 2019

Today is Wednesday, September 4th, 2019, and tomorrow is a national holiday in Wisconsin. The Green Bay Packers begin their 2019-2020 season against the hated Chicago Bears, a team that is the personification of grandiose infinite evil to every fan of the Green Packers and every Wisconsinite. The game has not begun yet as of this writing, but we are 100% confident that the Packers will win the game by a score of 157 to -21. Everyone in the great state of Wisconsin knows that the last few years have been very difficult. The Packers have not been doing well, and only two things have been keeping people’s spirits afloat: the abundance of cheese and Casket Robbery. Cheese is perfect, and so is Casket Robbery. Coach Vince Lombardi (RIP) would, if he could, blast this death metal on the loudspeakers right before every game so that the Packers feel a rush of excitement going into the action.

Those new to the band will notice that the death metal band is efficient and gets to the point quickly with upfront death metal. The Wisconsin band is not melodic death metal at all. They don’t do the growl/sing thing, the metalcore breakdowns, nor the sugary melodies, but that does not mean that they are a chug-chug growl-growl band only. They have a few hooks here and there, and they have some background horror-type sounds in some places to liven the proceedings while you mosh your way into the emergency room in Oshkosh or Oconomowoc or in Siberia.

This EP is not enough to change the world, but that’s not a crime; not even the great quarterback Aaron Rodgers has stopped the wars and world hunger around the globe. If Mr. Rodgers cannot do it, then you probably cannot, either. Nevertheless, this is enough to start a mosh pit right there where you are right now riding in that taxi on your way downtown to catch up with your old friends at the local bar to watch Casket Robbery at a show this September when they go on tour: Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Minnesota and Wisconsin are on the list. Go, Casket Robbery, go! Death metal is on the way to you, Toledo, Ohio. casketrobbery.bandcamp.com