garbage rock band Slipknot pays tribute

Big news today:

members of alternative junk rock group Slipknot pay tribute to their dead drug-addicted friend Paul: 

by buying some soda at a local corner shop

They are, reportedly, “pretty sure” that at some point during the time he was alive, that is, before he died from drugs, that their friend Paul might have bought some soda at that store. In addition, the store’s parking lot is known to be frequented by drug dealers, so the chances that Paul was there are, again, “pretty good,” they say.

“We came here today and we were thirsty and we thought, when we buy this soda, why don’t we declare that it is a tribute to our fallen drug-addicted friend Paul”.

Slipknot, who play alternative junk rock and wear idiotic masks, have also said:

“Our friend, when he was not shooting up drugs and making life miserable for everybody, was a musical genius of legendary proportions. Think, Mozart or Beethoven, and any other classical music name that people consider good…Hey, can you give me other names of classical musicians? Because I don’t know any other names, besides the ones that people namedrop in order to sound smart, ya know…Anyway, what was I saying?”

The reporter said, “You were saying that your drug-addicted friend Paul was, in addition to a drug addict, an intelligent person.”

“Ah, yeah, man, anyway, so Paul was a pretty smart guy. I mean, he got his G.E.D. and everything, ya know, so, anyway, he was like an artist of classical music…So, everything we do now, is in tribute to him. Kids should take inspiration from him…

The reporter asked, “Kids should use drugs and die?!”

“No, man! You are twisting my words! I’m talking about music, man! Damn. I’m saying everything we do now is in tribute to him. Like, right now, I need to sneeze and when I do it, it is in tribute to Paul, who was a drug addict.”

At any rate, this band Slipknot will consume that soft drink some time later this afternoon. And when they do, you can be damn sure it will be in tribute to their “classical-music-composer-like” friend, Paul, who was a drug addict.

Slipknot, who have made millions of dollars by impressing young kids who fall for cheap tricks like masks and jumpsuits, say that they will have a good dinner tonight. They believe that their drug-addicted friend Paul also liked to have dinner. That is, when he was not busy shooting up drugs, of course.

THE END.