a review of GOJIRA

Gojira : L’Enfant Sauvage

[by the “classic and original” line-up of Paula, Simon and Randy; with special guest David]

Paula: I just love your energy…it has a certain je ne sais quois…well done. Simple, not fast music, with groove. Good!

Randy: Hey, dog, I gotta tell ya man, this ain’t very good, man. It’s very repetitive. It sounds like dumbed-down music for fans of Pantera, Damage Plan, or hardcore or anything repetitive, oversimplified.

Simon: Oh, stop, Randy. You are too polite. Gojira, you are not brilliant, nor amazing…It’s just bollocks. You play one single note for 5 minutes and then you add these background/computer “atmospheric” sounds. Why? Because you know your “groove” rock by itself is too boring? Are you covering up the chugga-chugga groove?

Paula: Simon, you are so rude. They are doing the best they can!

David: Gojira, baby, you are semi good looking and you think you’re really cooking, but you ain’t the best that I’ve seen.

Randy: Seriously, dog, Gojira, why you only play the same couple of boring riffs over and over? “Explosia” is big chugga-chugga riff (a play-on riff) repeated a lot and it is the foundation for the song. To these ears, it sounds simple and has been pushed to the forefront of the song. On top of the chugga-chugga repetition there are little sounds (guitar? samples? computer noises?). What you doing, dog? Why the annoying noises? What you hiding, dude?

Paula: This album is a heavy, chugging, downtuned, heavy midpaced rock with screamed vocals. The drumming is totally groove-oriented and the vocals are not growling, not singing, but screamed out, like maybe you associate with Machine Head, Mastodon, and other bands. I’m not sure.

Randy: Exactly! I hate those bands! I hate all that “groove” stuff. Please, no Soulfly, no Machine Head, no Pantera, no Fear Factory, no knucklehead, no redneck riffs. Play the guitar, man! PLAY the guitar, not just chug on it. The song “L’Enfant Sauvage”: one big chugging riff with a groove. There is a little lick that is played over and over to spice up the chugging. But it’s not enough to keep me interested.

Simon: “The Axe” is midtempo chugging song with lots of gang-shouted chorus, and that constant chugga-chugga riff played until it cannot be played anymore. I don’t like this appeal-to-the-lowest-common-denominator chugging business, lads.

Paula: “Liquid Fire” keeps the speed at a midtempo range and the guitar squeezes dry a riff and rides until the wheels come off.

Randy: That’s the problem. That whole “groove” thing, man. Not my cup of tea. That’s four songs, out of nine. This band sticks to that style: A repetitive chugging riff, spiced up with some semi-strange sounds. Screamed out vocals.

Simon: This is not about speed, headbanging, melody or rocking out. It is heavy groovy, downtuned rock. If you like heavy stuff oriented around groove, then check them out.

If you want music that thrashes, rocks, headbangs, that is fast or energetic, then this may not be for you. This is for those that like bands with an “alternative” not-sure-what category it is.

David: Gojia, baby, you are not on fire, so I’m not going to show you love. I’m not going to jump, either, baby. Oh, man, I think your music is slow. I better make a note to myself about you, Gojira. Give me something to write on, man. I brought my pencil!

Randy: Dave, do you always talk in song lyrics?

David: It’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll, Randy.

Randy: That’s not even your own song!

David: Randy, why you getting so hot about this. Baby, you need the ice cream man to keep you cool?

Paula: Guys, guys, we are here to judge Gojira!

Simon: Gojira, that’s enough. Four songs is enough. Good luck and good day to you, lads. You’re just not what we are looking for. We wanted headbanging, energetic metal. You are not it. You have dumbed down two-note guitar music to a simpler formula. But you are on Roadrunner Records and that should have told us this is trendy “groove” music.

Paula: Don’t listen to them, Gojira. Keep doing what you do and I’m sure your parents will always be proud of you because they love you. Remember that, your parents love you very much!! Suicide is not the answer!! Love is. Your moms love you for always. But please, leave now, there is another band that we want to hear next.

David:Stay frosty!! Get a tattoo!!

The End.