Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Twisted Tower Dire

Twisted Tower Dire
Wars In The Unknown
No Remorse Records
Alice Cooper, The Misfits, Mercyful Fate and The Ramones have the naughty, naughty habit of making you sing along to happy tunes only discover that you are singing along to creepy songs about creepy people. Twisted Tower Dire is a melodic heavy metal version of that idea. The album is rather straightforward heavy metal with melodic singing and melodic guitar playing for catchy songs that revolve around the big chorus. Efficient as possible, skilled, experienced, the album is a shameless, I say again, shameless seductive provocation aimed at living your secret guilty desires to be a singer or a guitar player. Sick boys. These Virginians are sick, they be trying to infect y’all with the grooves that make ya moves. I am on to you, Twisted Tower Dire. Y’all be making sing too much. I am singing at the grocery checkout, I am singing on my way to church, I am singing on my way to the chiropractor, I am singing while walking my two pit bulls down the street and people are wondering why the heavily tattooed grandma is singing “tear you apart, into little pieces” while smiling to strangers with her two pit bulls on hand.
That song “Tear You Apart” is just one example of the naughty, naughty intentions of TTD. These sickos dared to make the whole album as a type of greatest-hits package and I’m here for it. TTD is, according the world wide webs, a true metal band founded in 1995 when y’all weren’t even alive, and I guess that sounds about right, but why do y’all young whippersnappers insist on coming up with new names for everything? It is traditional heavy metal with singing and solos, and enough catchy songs coming out the ears. Do you know which song is garbage on the album? Ah, yes, the answer to that question would be none! None! The bottom line is that fans of classic-style heavy metal that value melody and the metal lyrics (thunder, ghosts, beasts, triumph, earth, wind, and, ahem, fire), y’all best get off the fence and come down here and get it while it’s fresh and hot. And that’s the bottom line cuz Stone Cold said so.

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