Thursday, August 25, 2016

oh, no, thrashers Ghostblood have new single! run away, fool, run away!

"Ghostblood went to a party last Saturday night, they didn't get laid, they got in a fight, uh, huh, it ain't no big thing.
Late for their gig and the traffic was bad, got ride from the only friend they ever had, so Lita drove them to the show in a Ford pickup, uh, huh, it ain't no big thing."
The trash-talking, bug-eating kings of comedy gore thrash metal (it's a new Seattle genre thing, you wouldn't understand) have inexplicably recorded a new song and it's called Eviscerama (yes, like Bananarama). These cats dress in white sneakers because they are waiting for the day that they will meet John Petrucci in the worm-infested, slimy, crime-ridden, dumpster-divers-dominated streets of Seattle's Clyde Hill or Medrona Waterfront and they are going to tell him what is what with their sneakers in John's favorite body parts. After they give him a piece of their mind they will make him listen to their new song Eviscerama on repeat for six minutes or maybe even nine minutes and he will know what Ghostblood's "gore-splattered ghostly thrash-blackening death-blood" is all about.
In case you do not know this, when you talk about Ghostblood you are supposed to reveal if you know the band or not. Well, I do not know them and I have never met them or attended one of their many shows in the Seattle region, but just you wait, one day I will go to one of their shows! Ghostblood, I'm not done with you! In the interest of even fuller disclosure, this zine must reveal that Ghostblood sent in a copy of their new single and I am keeping in a safe vault because one day my grandkids are going to ask, "Grandma, what bands from Seattle do you like?" and I will show them that I have cds from Ghostblood. If I ever catch them listening to pop music I will grab their phones and throw them in the pool (the phones, not the kids, you sicko) and play them Ghostblood music on my boombox because I actually have one (a tiny one from the 1970s or 80s or one of those decades from a long time ago) and they will not dare be sour and they will feel the power and they will clap for the three-time world gore champions Ghostblood and it will be a new day in gore thrash and I will body slam them (the kids, not the phones because the phones will be in the pool, and you can't body slam a phone, anyway, are you keeping up?!) in the huge bouncy house that's in the backyard!
Ghostblood is back! (Well, sort of, they never go away.)
You listen, and you listen good now. You gonna be blind in Texas, blind in London, blind in Snohomish County, WA (yeah, that's real place, a place of high per capita horse ownership, too).

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