Monday, September 16, 2013

grunting zombie death metal Monday, part 2: Exhumer (Italy)

Exhumer (Italy): "Degraded by Sepsis” (Comatose)
Their previous recording was called “Bloodcurling Tool of Digestion.” Aaaaalrightee, then. Seeing that the village elders were not amused with the maximum nonstop hyper blasting putrefaction, Exhumer had a meeting and they decided on the next logical step in order to achieve mass appeal at a worldwide level, be on the radio and television, because they wanted to become millionaires playing death metal.
Here are the mass-appeal results. This album sees Exhumer tone down the disgusting sounds and go in a more melodic mainstream direction…in no way. “Degraded by Sepsis” finds Exhumer using exclusively microphone-cupping burped woof-woof vocals. As a bonus warranty for international success they instructed their drummer to blast here, blast there, blast everywhere, blast forever. The drummer followed the instructions to the letter: the drummer lives by the axiom that if you are not blasting, you should step down from the throne. How you will love how all the songs sound the same. Massive monolithic monotony winners run away with it all.
Exhumer is the perfect music for your own professional success in life and in business. At your next business meeting turn on the music of Exhumer in the background when you do your power point flashy laser business presentation. The audience will be hypnotized by the music. You will have “great success”…high five!
“How can I be like you?,” they will ask you. You tell them your motto: “If you are not into zombie death metal, then you will never amount to anything in life.” How true and wise. It’s the same exact thing that coach Vince Lombardi always stressed in the construction of a winning mentality.

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